It’s so hard to turn an ice cream cone while you’re eating it, and don’t get me started on how annoying it is to pick up a piece of pizza and eat it with my bare hands. Also, when did people start drinking all of that unhealthy non-diet water? Those are some of the immensely stupids questions that we have to assume went through the minds of the inventors who created these absolutely crazy and completely useless inventions. On the one hand — these were all horrible, awful, no good, ideas. On the flip side, we have to give it up to these inventors who took their idea and eventually created a workable product that they actually sold to the general public. Here are 20 absolutely useless inventions from around the world.
Concealed Barefoot Shoes
No shirt, no shoes, no service? Not with the concealed barefoot shoes. The concept is really simple, just take a pair of shoes, don’t put a bottom on them, and walk around. They conceal the top of your foot while you can still feel the freshly cut grass between your toes. The other option is just to walk around barefoot, which is a whole lot more freeing.
You know what the worst part about drinking all of that non-diet water is? All the calories, sugar and other additives. Oh wait. None of that stuff is in regular water. Sadly, there is a big demographic of people who would be willing to believe this water is better for them than other brands.
At least diet water is safe, the next item on our list puts dogs in terrible danger.
There was a time in American history when we didn’t have all these pesky safety laws and animal cruelty rules we have today. We could do things like drive with our children in the front seat without a car seat or booster seat. We could even strap our dog to the side of our vehicles and take them on one hell of a ride.
The next useless invention will make you laugh and that was the point of it.
I have to say this right away — this was a novelty gag gift. However, it was also a highly successful item for people who wanted to poke fun at their friend’s decision to stick with VHS tapes. The product sold until 1999 when the manufacturer believed buyers had enough of the gift and moved on — maybe to Blu-ray rewinding.
Put this device in your mouth, let it stretch out your face, and voilà! Instant facelift. If we had to guess, this item probably acts better to aggravate someone’s TMJ then it does to lift a face. It takes years of wear and tear on our bodies to cause wrinkles and lines… a silly little device like this won’t fix those issues in minutes, hours, or even weeks. This is a snake oil sale at its worst.
You probably feel guilty that your goldfish is stuck inside a tiny bowl all day long. Why not let them get them some fresh air with this goldwish walker. This is a great way to one-up the crazy cat lady in your neighborhood, and to drive all of her feline friends nuts as you walk down the street. Just don’t use it on a boiling hot day or you might be having fish for dinner.
Make sure to wear the next invention on your walk so you can feel the wind blowing in your — um — hair?
Leave the toupee at home on hot days and try out the hair hat. As the name suggests this is a hat that has fake hair on top. If you have side hair that peeks out from the hat, you probably won’t find the hair to perfectly match the little bit you have left — fair warning. We don’t know if this is supposed to be a gag gift but we actually kind of want one.
Hand-Holding Dog Leash
Are you a dog owner who’s incredibly lonely? Now you can hold onto a fake hand that is attached to a dog leash. Freak out strangers and possibly even your own dog, when they see you holding what appears to be the severed hand of a loved one.
The next invention will probably gives your kids E. coli or salmonella. But you’ll probably still use it.
Want your kids to learn how to go to the potty on their own, while at the same time getting them hopelessly addicted to mobile devices? Then the iPotty is just right for you! This might be the most unsanitary item we have ever encountered. At the same time, the potty holds a genuine Apple device. So even if it was covered in pee it would probably still work, and we would probably still use it when the kiddo was done with it.
If you keep burning the roof of your mouth by shoveling noodles into your face — stop shoving so many noodles into your mouth when they are steaming hot OR you can buy a special noodle fan. The fan on the utensil quickly cools down your food for safe (and quick) eating. This is highly recommended for food eating competitions and for people with ADHD.
Do you want to stare at your smartphone or computer monitor with absolute privacy? Try out the privacy scarf for all of your personal theater needs. Today, you can just buy an Oculus Rift or any other virtual reality headset that offers 100% privacy.
This scarf still more useful than the next ridiculous item on our list.
Does anyone else think that this incredibly odd-looking gadget appears to be a jockstrap for your head and remote controls? These days you can control every device in your house from a smartphone, which is both convenient and not stupid-looking. This would also be incredibly uncomfortable to fall asleep in front of the TV while wearing.
Revolving Ice Cream Cone
Whenever I’m eating an ice cream cone and I have to turn it for optimal licking, my first thought is “I can’t take this anymore, it’s not worth living.” Okay, I never think that and I’m pretty sure nobody else does either. Sadly, these ice cream cone gadgets have been around for a while and they still randomly show up on store shelves.
I would still buy this ice cream gadget over an umbrella for my shoes. Check that invention out next.
Stupid rain and shoes — they make for a horrible combination. Nobody wants wet feet, so why not protect your tootsies with a shoe umbrella? Not only will you look ridiculous, but you will also probably step in a giant puddle and still have soaking wet shoes and socks.
The next item comes to us courtesy of Kanye West so you know it’s a crazy one.
Thank you, Kanye West. These shades look absolutely ridiculous AND they impair your vision. Maybe that has been Kanye’s issue for the last decade — his vision has been impaired by his choice in shades.
I bet he even uses the next tool on our list.
The Pizza Fork
Pizza is a finger food, people. Well, unless it’s Chicago deep-dish style, in which case a fork and knife are highly recommended. The pizza fork is a weird little utensil that provides foodies with a pizza cutter attached to a fork.
Are you obsessed with the golf channel? Does the PGA or LPGA dominate your life? Are you a lousy golfer on the putting green? Then you might love toilet golf. You only get to putt about one to two feet at a time and you have to do it from the seated position. Once you master this putt, you are going to look ridiculous carrying around a toilet during your next round of 18.
This invention is still more useful than the next item.
USB Pet Rock
Just like the original pet rock, this USB device plugs into your computer and then does absolutely nothing. The creator claims that it is a great conversational piece. You can lie to the people who ask about your rock, and tell them the rock does some really fantastical things.
Vibrating Ab Belt
If I could work on my abs with a vibrating belt I would save hours of my life by avoiding the gym. What this gadget really does is make you feel a little bit dizzy. The vibrating belt was all the rage for years and then disappeared when science evidence won.
And finally, we have one more useless invention for the wine lushes of the world.
Wine Glass Holder Necklace
If you are this much of a wine lush, you should probably start attending AA meetings. Also, if you are this much of a heavy drinker you are probably going to spill the wine all over your clothes. It’s a very simple idea, but in this case simplicity is another word for “horribly planned.”